Let me start off by saying that as I was writing Much Love, I did just about everything wrong. The sound advice is to start small with short stories, not a full blown novel. Seek frequent feedback instead of doing a big bang release with everything at the end. Talk to other writers to get their advice. Read ferociously. Write what you know. I did just about none of those things, least of all starting small. For better or worse, when I decided to write Much Love I came out swinging for the fences. Now that it's all said and done, I think it's worth reflecting on why it was so important to me in the first place.
To really understand the story behind the story, you have to look back to my high school days. Back then I had a weird dichotomy going on in which I craved social interaction, but I was loathe to actually go out and interact with people. To satisfy my need to stay connected from the safety and comfort of my futon, I started writing emails to all my friends. In the beginning they were general correspondence, but eventually they became a form of entertainment, both for my friends and myself. The cliche thing to say would be that I found my voice, but it was more than that. I found my identity. I was the guy that wove these elaborate stories, that chronicled our adventures, that spoke no matter who was listening. I thought that was who I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I wanted to grow up and tell stories that changed people.
One other thing you need to know about me though: I'm a realist. I knew damn well that if my only goal in life was to be a world renowned author, there was about a 99% chance that I would crash and burn. So when it came time to head off to college, I created a fallback for myself. I enrolled in the English Lit. program to follow my passion, but I also enrolled as an engineer to pay the bills. Somewhere along the way though, that fallback became my everyday life.
I won't say that engineering hasn't been good to me over the years, but I've come to realize how much I've thrown myself into it and how much I've let my writing fallow. If you were to look at my 'portfolio' today, you'd see a screenplay from my adolescence I was sooooo close to finishing, a disjointed collection of scenes for a theatrical play a la Waiting for Godot, and a few dozen episodic stories from a web series I could never keep up. Not exactly the makeup of a successful writer.
So when I approached Much Love, when I made that decision that come hell or high water I would actually finish a story, it really was with the mindset of, "This may be the only time in my life I dedicate myself so wholly. This might be my only shot." That's a scary thought for a number of reasons. I won't lie, a part of me has always dreamed of becoming rich, and famous, and buying fast cars, and eating caviar out of the glove box while driving the streets of Monaco. So there's the obvious fear that if I only got one shot, and I blew it, then I'd be relegated to wasting away in monotony with nothing to show for it but five pairs of neatly folded, beige slacks.
But of course that's really an inconsequential concern. We all dream of being rich one day, and we're all just as happy when those dreams don't come true. For me, the real dream went back to what I said earlier: I wanted to tell stories that change people. And if I only got one shot to do that, well, I better make it count.
So here it is, what this whole post has been building to. Why did I write Much Love? I believe in this story. I believe that it's one worth telling, and I hope that it's one worth reading. It's hard for me to describe what the story is about when people ask me. At face value it's about this guy Cameron who's reaching out to his friends for support during a tough period in his life. But the story itself is not the point of the novel. When I was writing it I was constantly asking myself, "What would be important for me to share if I was in this situation? What would I want to say to those around me?" I wanted to pose a challenge to the reader: what would it take for us as individuals to really share ourselves with the world? And what's more, why do we even need such a trigger in the first place? Why do we let so much go unsaid among friends? Why do we keep so many experiences to ourselves?
That's why I threw myself into Much Love so foolishly and so completely. That's why I couldn't let my one chance pass me by. I believe the world would be an incredible place if we opened ourselves up and truly experienced each other. This book is my attempt to share that vision.
If you have not yet started reading Much Love, I invite you to subscribe for free at www.muchlovestory.com
